Accepting Vulnerability
Brené Brown and her TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability, took the world by storm. Her talk was focused on her studies as a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She spent over a decade delving into the concepts of vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame to construct a powerful message on the power that comes with vulnerability.
Her TED talk is a compilation of her studies and is a huge success, ranked one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world. What made her talk a huge hit is the way she relates to her audience and instills a sort of understanding between herself and them, providing a unique approach to psychology.
She begins her talk with her own personal recount of how she learned to open herself up to vulnerability. What she called a breakdown, but what her therapist called a “spiritual awakening,” is what brought her to seek help in adulthood. She spent a year in therapy, combating all the tactics her therapist used to get her to “open up.” Finally, she allowed herself to be vulnerable and it changed the way she lived her life. This transformation brought her to share her story and the later findings she collected through years and years of research on vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame.
She found that what all of these things have in common is how they tie into human connection. Connection “gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” The acts of vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame- they all play into the greater purpose of life which is one’s ability to connect with other individuals.
Brown says soon into her research she discovered shame as the “thing that absolutely unraveled connection.” She describes shame as the “fear of disconnection.” We are afraid of things in us that will make us not worthy of connection with others. Shame is the mentality of believing you are not good enough- not pretty enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, etc,. Each person experiences shame. If they did not, they would have no ability to empathize or connect with other human beings. If we want connection with another person, we have to allow them to see the parts of us we are proud of and those we are not.
With over 6 years of researching and interviewing thousands of people, she concluded what it is that separates those who have a strong sense of love and belonging and those who do not. This one factor is the belief that you are worthy of love and belonging. Those who believed they were worthy described feeling content and those who did not were struggling. Those who are content have a sense of worthiness. They are “whole-hearted” as Brown describes them. She doesn’t stop here, but instead picks apart those who fit into this category of “whole-hearted” individuals to see why they are this way.
Brown discovers three things that make whole-hearted individuals whole-hearted. The first is the “courage to be imperfect.” The second is their tendency to be compassionate toward themselves first and then others. Lastly, they have connection, through their willingness to be vulnerable. These three steps are difficult for human beings. It is challenging to let yourself be open to shame, vulnerability; to have the courage and the sense of self-worth; and to connect with others.
What she discusses next is in fact the most important of all: how we, as humans, deal with our inability to be vulnerable. We numb it. As she puts it, “we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in US history.” Our newer generations turn to outside sources to numb our inability to be vulnerable with other human beings. Our shame manifests itself in destructive behaviors that prevent us from connection. In numbing the bad feelings, we numb the good along with them.
Brown challenges her audience. She leaves us with a piece of advice and hope at the end of her talk. Human connection is achievable, if we open ourselves up to vulnerability. We have to start instilling in our children the idea that imperfections are not bad. Everyone is imperfect and our acceptance of our imperfections is what will make us ultimately content. Brown provides an analysis of something very abstract: human connection. Her research into the field of study and dedication to the topic is inspiring. Listening to her TED talk, the audience receives an in-depth analysis of human behaviors and feelings that are hard to grasp. Brown’s talk is an inspiration in the field of psychology and proved to be such a successful talk because of her ability to beautifully discuss a complex and personal topic.
Brown, B. (n.d.). Transcript of "The power of vulnerability". Retrieved February 25, 2017, from https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability/transcript?language=en